Why do old people wake up so early?
Why are the side effects of anti-depressants depression and suicidal thoughts?
Why can’t a man leave a bathroom without me giggling about how he was just touching his penis?
Why has society deemed smoking so glamorous, beauty so unattainable and money so important?
Why don’t we change that since we are, in fact, society?
Why can’t we just like a president for once?
Why did they ever make Mad About You?
Why did they stop making Night Court?
Why are some people mean to waitresses and taxi drivers? Aren’t they bringing you food and taking you places?
Why am I so attracted to men in V-neck shirts?
Why can’t we all collectively decide to see death as a positive thing?
Why can’t we all collectively decide to do anything?
Why does everyone feel the need to ask for a tip lately? Aren’t you already getting paid to be my sandwich artist, friend?
Why do so many mothers think their kids are so special when the majority of women have kids too?
Why are we so scared to tell strangers they have something in their teeth?
Why can’t we all just admit that we want love and validation?
Why do people continue to name their kids John and Joe? It’s getting complicated people.
Why are so many people scared to be themselves around their families?
Why are all my knives rusty?
Why do most women hate their bodies?
Why stuffed animals? After 30 years, I still don't see the point.
Why Mazda Miatas? Really, why?
Why are you reading this when you could be on a date with a man in a V-neck who has just touched his penis in the bathroom?
Why don't you read more questions here and here?
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12 comments:
I HATED Mad About You! With a passion! The sight of it would not only instantly bore me but make me angry at the same time.
When my boss was pregnant, she told me the name they'd picked out for a boy was John, and Jane for a girl. Seriously? Could they have selected more nondescript, generic names?
All of my knives are rusty too. The real question is, why do I still use them? Rust isn't harmful, is it?
The V-neck Tee doesn't do it for me. Not unless every man wearing one looks like Tyson Beckford.
I agree with pretty much every rhetorical question here! Except, I do think smoking's glamourous. That's pretty much the only reason I smoke. Oh, that sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I guess I get away with it 'cos I'm Greek. Oh and every single family in Greece has at least 1 John, 1 George and 1 Maria. Be creative, people!
As for the names: Because we want to make it as easy as possible for our kids to pursue success. It will be easier for a John, Joe or Jane to be promoted CEO, elected to the Senate or get a mortgage then a Moses, Seraphina or Apple.
As for us moms thinking our kids are more special then the neighbors..same as why dog people think their dogs are special. Its not that the kids are not special..the problems are the moms not relizing that its not interesting to anyone else.
Hated "Mad about you"...what a depressing show.
Awesome post, as always!
I could be on a date with a man in a V-neck who has just touched his penis in the bathroom?
Can the man be a woman who is wearing a ringer T-shirt who just touched her vag in the bathroom? Because then I'm *so* there.
Why are you asking why? That is what I want to know...
When I figure out my fake flip camera, I may take a picture and explain why I don't think that only Tyson Beckford looks good in a V-neck (but don't wear them because they feel 'old')
Are you really old enough to remember 'Night Court'? That was a great show and I used to have a crush on Markie Post. What a good show!
Oh man...too good. This made me smile for the first time all day.
Oh goodie! So glad to hear that other people hated Mad about you.
Why am I asking all these questions, Mark? Because I'm insane. Legally.
Nicole! I use my rusty knives too. Let's make a pact to help each other in case of lock jaw and tetanus.
Alexia! I love Greeks. Seriously though... there are like 5 Greek names. Everyone in my high school was George or Gus.
Maggie! You're so right about Johns succeeding before Mohammeds. We should work on that. Down with the man.
Jessica... sorry. I should have put a woman date clause in there, but women don't really touch their privates when they pee. Well.. I guess they do. But there's toilet paper in between. I'll have to think about whether or not that's still sexy.
Adria. What up! Thanks! I have had a crazy work day too. Your comment made me smile as well. Phew.
Thanks everybody!
I'm totally screwed now. Every time I see a man coming out of the bathroom I'll think about how he touched his penis.
I too have rusty knives that I still use.. I'm pretty sure they were $2 each.
Also, why is it ok to stalk celebs and photograph them in their houses, but not for me to stalk that cute bartender down the street?!
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I don't touch my penis in the bathroom. I just lay back and put my hands behind my head and let nature do it's good deed.
I think I said too much.
One time this homeless guy asked for a tip. It was at that point I knew we had gone too far. I only tipped him 20 percent though. It was a rough $1.20.
Why can't people just be nice?
I think it's obvious you've ruined mens' visits to restrooms for all of us.
Well done.
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